Filling with God

     Everyday I ask the Lord to be used by Him, to be a vessel of His love to the world. More often than not, I feel like I fail when I find myself breathless and disheveled at the end of the day, wondering where did the day go and hard-pressed to find something to show for it.

I watched a theater reader production yesterday of the story of the birth of Jesus and although I knew the story well, I pondered the story of Mary, a Jewish teenager and this morning, as I wondered about the incredible blessing to be literally filled with God, it hit me.

   Her journey, being heavily pregnant wasn't easy. The road was hard and uncomfortable. At a time when she was to be resting the most, she was participating in a grueling journey devoid of so many comfort travelers in our present times enjoy. And she was carrying God. Instead of being comforted with divine miracles and unexpected providence of material comfort, the road was barren, difficult, unyielding. 

  Could it be the same for us? As Mary's body stretched with baby Jesus, should our souls stretch to accomodate God? As she experienced the physical discomfort from carrying the Messiah, should we experience spiritual discomfort from letting God invade us and stretch our presupposed boundaries? As the journey was difficult for Mary, is it possible that our christian walk could be difficult and unyielding and devoid of warm, fuzzy feelings all the time?

   Yielding fully to God is asking Him in His infinite greatness to come inhabit our minute smallness. And He comes down and start stretching us so that He can completely fill us. That is the only way for Him to abide in us. So, in this advent season, as you are feeling extended beyond your limits of selflessness, thank Him and keep asking God to fill you more. In God, the grace of reaching out to difficult relatives, inviting mean coworkers to Christmas service, turning the other cheek once more to a hurt from a spouse is limitless. And He is slowly filling us with grace as He is stretching us with His presence. I pray that this is an encouragement to us all in this Christmas season. The road was difficult but at the end of the journey, the fullness of God came to dwell with us. Halleluiah.

   May our Blessed Lord fill you with His presence and reaffirm in your heart that He came for you. May the joy of His coming into our world fill you. May you share this hope with others close to you!

Every Day

In the early morning hours

  'Twixt the night and day,

While from earth the darkness passes

  Silently away;

Then it's sweet to talk with Jesus

  In your bedroom still

For the coming day and duties

  Ask to know His will.

Then He'll lead the way before you,

  Laying mountains low;

Making deserts places blossom,

  Sweet'ning sorrow's flow.

Do you want a life of triumph,

  Victory all the way?

Then put God in the beginning

  Of each coming day.

                                           

                                             George MacDonald

Something new

 Last sunday at church, I attended a class on discovering my personality type and my spiritual gifts. I had taken it twice before but I was excited going into it because I was looking forward to see if there had been changes in my personality this past year.
I took this class for the first time right after becoming a staff member at Grace 2 years ago. Back then, I was vaguely aware what my spiritual gifts were and how I would fit. Discovering so much about myself in one night as well as getting a better (and scientific) understanding of the why I did what I did was amazing.
The second time around was a year later and I took it because I felt I had grown to become a different person after a year in ministry. Sure enough there were significant changes in my profile. My DISC profile went from being IS(inspirational specialist) the first time to an SI(steady influencer) which is a more accurate description of me. I suspect the first time around I projected more of what I thought people expected of me than the real me.
This time around I was not expecting much change but I found out something I have never suspected about myself. According to the chart, my strongest spiritual gift today is the gift of teaching!
TEACHING! Where did that come from??? Trust me I never desired nor fancied myself to be a teacher. Sure I love to learn about people and share what I know with them in conversations but that is hardly teaching. Anybody who knows me at all knows that teaching has never been anywhere on my radar of things to do or things that I am good at. My other trusted spiritual gifts of serving, wisdom, mercy and encouragement were all there, just right under teaching. Teaching rated pretty low last year and this year it is the highest. It prompted in me a lot of reflection and self-inspection to see how, where and when the change occurred. I haven't nailed it yet but after asking some trusted friends, I found out that they see that seed in me.
I asked myself is it something God has revealed to me and that I should pursue and perfect for the advancement of His kingdom. Honestly now that I am over the initial shock, I am excited to delve into this new foray of spiritual growth. Practically I took a hard look at where I was when it came to knowledge because I believe that it is important to have sound theology and a good amount of bible knowledge before attempting to influence others and I wasn't happy with what I saw. Luckily, the C part of my personality (accurate, analytical, fact-finder, conscientious) will thrive in this endeavor. I love learning and I am looking forward to honing the knowledge part of this spiritual gift. I believe that I will be sharing with others relationally rather than in a formal setting(trust me nobody wants me teaching in a formal setting). I also love to share what I know so looking at teaching that way makes it less intimidating. I know I shouldn't feel so daunted by this because the God who gave me this gift also equipped me to use to bless others. But the the same C part of my personality leads me toward wanting all my facts verified and proved, laid-out in a easily understandable format and arguable with formulas and examples that work every time. I am striving to get such breadth of heavenly things but that I know that will never happen.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
   so are my ways higher than your ways
   and my thoughts than your thoughts."
                                             Isaiah 55:9

I will never be able to explain the reason why some things happen. Truthfully I am ok with that. However I can try hard to remind people of the one thing I know doesn't change and that is His Living Word. The Bible will never change and I rest assured that when Jesus said: " “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me", he meant just that in every situation, language or decade of our life here on earth. Now THAT I can boldly share with the people I know. THAT I can teach.

Thankful

 One Thousands Gifts is a book I have been reading for awhile. Ann Voskamp’s story is not happily ever after.  As a child, her sister was crushed under a truck in front of her and her mother.  Consequently, her mother checked herself into a psychiatric hospital and her father couldn’t find God.  As an adult, she stood beside her brother-in-law as he buried his first two sons.  Voskamp is a wife and mother who does not grin through the pain of raising 6 children but battles to believe that in God is joy, and that there are as many gifts amid the grittiness of life as in the moments of celebration. This came as a result of her taking up a dare from a friend to make a list of a 1000 gifts.

 The laundry keeps piling up, dishes never end, kids fight and people die.  But regardless of circumstances, the dare of the “gift list” showed Voskamp a way to live even through the dullness and hurts of life. She learned to look for gifts, blessings everywhere, in every moment.

the smell of freshly baked bread

a hug from a dear friend

fresh vegetables. 

warm blankets in a cozy bed.  

the smell of home.

  All of those moments are around us everyday. I confess I have not thanked God enough for laughter with friends. Here is the most important part of this dare. Thanksgiving. Incessant thanksgiving for every one of those blessings. Thanksgiving enriches our lives to seize the importance of the moment. 

How would our lives be different if we stopped and thanked God for all the beauty He has surrounded us with? How much less time would we spend worrying or griping about things we have no control over if we remembered that God faithfully gives us light that suddenly captures the dark in the early morning? How much would we trust Him when we know that He who empowers us to parent with grace when we have no inkling to do so promised that He would be with us always? Because those moments are with us everywhere, all the time, they testify to the bounteousness and faithfulness of our God. 

 When our eyes are opened to what is and straining to find more of those grace filled moments, we are fully living in every moment, enjoying all of God's innumerable gifts. I have decided to take up the dare to write down a thousands gifts and thank God for every single one of them. I have been blessed with a life full of blessings and too often I have been too busy or looked far out to see them. I am ready to open my eyes and see what is right in front of me that I have been missing all this time. And I am gonna start now...

warm blankets and hot chocolate on a snowy day...

extra bacon on hamburgers =)

"Do not disdain the small. If we miss the small moments, we miss the whole".

Tough journey

I realize this is not the warmest way to start a blog but truthfully, one of the reasons why I decided to start blogging is to share what I believe this journey on earth is teaching me. And honestly it is far from a walk in a park. Actually it looks more like the tough mudder. So here we go...

So many changes have taken place in the past few months and they severely tested some of the principles I had decided to live my life by. I can see the hand of God in all of it and I am grateful for it. Still, it doesn't make it less painful when you have to learn your lessons the hard way. One of the ways I was tested about my character was through my relationships. I have always considered myself to have a good head on my shoulders but these relationships have made me discover sides of my personality and my heart and mind that I did not know were there or that were not what I had imagined they would be. Relationships are like mirrors that reflect who you are and I couldn't help but stare, completely bewildered by the person that who was looking back at me in the mirror. I will share one of the discoveries I have come across.

One of my biggest revelations was how much I have leaned on my own understanding and knowledge to navigate my relationships. Having a lot of head-knowledge is great (and I have read up a lot on relationships) but unless you are confronted with the situations, unless you feel that myriad of emotions and feelings associated with them and have to make a choice on how to react, you can't be sure of how you will do so. I admit that I have failed to respond to situations in a biblical way because I was caught up in the politically correct way to do it. And every time I would sit back stunned and think: " I have read about this, I know what is the way to go about it but somehow I didn't do it right" Anybody who knows me can attest to the fact that I am fiercely independent, very logical and hopelessly left-brained. But when I committed to really love people, give myself to them as much as Christ is calling me to do, very rarely did I use my left-brain. As a matter of fact, I tried let Jesus guide me and boy does He like to lead me on unfamiliar territories. He makes me feel indescribable joy at times and breaks me to pieces whenever I need it. There is nothing logical about the way He makes me experience life and I wouldn't have it any other way because I have never felt more alive. I have scrapes and bruises from trying to navigate this unfamiliar territory on my own but He picks me up when I trip over obstacles and off we go again, hand in hand.
I am still learning how to completely and unabashedly trust Him and remember that He has never failed me. It takes conscious, moment-to moment efforts from me to do that and I am so clumsy still. Psalm 23 is my constant companion for I know I am still a long way from home